In the wee hours of the morning, I struggled to align my heart with the heart of My Heavenly Father. I reached for Him. Then, I reached for strength or peace or ANYTHING in His Love Letter. Have you ever been so desperate to help somebody that you couldn't even articulate what you wanted to petition the Lord for? I didn't know what I needed, but I needed something.
I needed His 'something' for Hannah Beth. She had been crying for 3 hours. You know that deep shattered heart cry that children make? It was a compilation of pain, loss, fear, frustration, confusion and abysmal SADNESS.
I called the cavalry through Facebook to aid in covering Hannah Beth with prayer. The Lord heard our cries. He reached down from heaven and touched her. Slowly, her little body relaxed and she fell asleep. With each sigh, the slightest stir or whimper, I felt an urgency to find whatever I needed for her. It was only a matter of time before she woke up crying again.
BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD...His words echoed in my heart.
"Oh, you want me to stop this mad frenzy to figure out what I need in this moment?" The idea of just being quiet had not occurred to me. I knew it was okay to not know the answers for her. Apparently it wasn't okay with myself to not know the answers for me.
The Beth Moore book that I've wanted to read for so long was sitting within reach. My glasses were within reach. (Hannah Beth wasn't the only one in our bed that night! Aiden and Buttercup joined Ray and me for the night...Thank God for king size beds!) All I had to do was generate enough light from my iPod Don't Touch to see the words I was desperately wanting to lose myself in. (Well, NOBODY gets LOST in a Beth Moore book! You get challenged and inspired and pushed way out of your little comfort zones as you are bombarded with the TRUTH!) I was only reading for about a half an hour when her words spoke everything I needed:
"God cannot love us any more or any less than He does at this moment. He chooses to heal or not to heal for His own reasons. All His decisions come from His love, but whether He chooses to heal or take us home, His love remains constant." Thank you, BETH MOORE!
This is what I held onto today. I held onto His love. Oh, how He loves us! His love will always remain the same because it is who He is! To know Him is to know LOVE.
I can still see Brenda's face in my mind's eye sitting in her chair. "The most important thing is that we know Jesus. Make sure Hannah Beth KNOWS Him." She was telling me to just LOVE her! Lead her to know Him in the midst of all things, because His Love will heal her every time!
As I pray through this night, I'm praying for all who have been touched by this gentle warrior. Would you draw us closer to you, Jesus? Would you reveal who you are to our hearts? Oh, Lord, let us see each other through Your Loving Eyes. Let us love one another as you have called us to do, so that you may release healing to our aching hearts.
Monday, November 7
Jesus wept.
Jesus wept. John 11:34
The soft rain was the first thing I heard with the song the Lord put on my heart this morning. He reminded me, "Jesus wept." He did! It was almost as if He was weeping with all of us. He feels our breaking hearts over missing our sister. Within the next moment I remembered the gentle rain that fell the morning Jesus took her up in His arms and brought her to her eternal home with Him.
As I pondered these things in my heart, the memory of the last day we spent together played clearly in my mind. We wept. It wasn't crying, it was weeping. It is difficult to put into words. I was doing everything I could to keep my tears and emotions from bubbling over as we spoke. It was just plain sad. I knew it was better for me to listen than to speak in this moment.
"It is okay, Alicia. It's okay. I am okay with it." Tears gracefully trickled down her face as this dear woman of God was showing me that she fully trusted the Lord and His will...completely, totally, unashamedly, and with utter abandonment.
It wasn't until this morning that I realized she wasn't crying for herself. She was crying for me. She was looking into my anguished eyes and sharing the peace of God. She was teaching me more in this moment than I was able to fathom. I'm still learning from this moment one week later. I can only imagine what I will gleen from her as the hours and days pass.
Sending my LOVE and PINK HUGS up to heaven even though His are better! We will see each other again. Until then, I miss you, Brenda!
The soft rain was the first thing I heard with the song the Lord put on my heart this morning. He reminded me, "Jesus wept." He did! It was almost as if He was weeping with all of us. He feels our breaking hearts over missing our sister. Within the next moment I remembered the gentle rain that fell the morning Jesus took her up in His arms and brought her to her eternal home with Him.
As I pondered these things in my heart, the memory of the last day we spent together played clearly in my mind. We wept. It wasn't crying, it was weeping. It is difficult to put into words. I was doing everything I could to keep my tears and emotions from bubbling over as we spoke. It was just plain sad. I knew it was better for me to listen than to speak in this moment.
"It is okay, Alicia. It's okay. I am okay with it." Tears gracefully trickled down her face as this dear woman of God was showing me that she fully trusted the Lord and His will...completely, totally, unashamedly, and with utter abandonment.
It wasn't until this morning that I realized she wasn't crying for herself. She was crying for me. She was looking into my anguished eyes and sharing the peace of God. She was teaching me more in this moment than I was able to fathom. I'm still learning from this moment one week later. I can only imagine what I will gleen from her as the hours and days pass.
Sending my LOVE and PINK HUGS up to heaven even though His are better! We will see each other again. Until then, I miss you, Brenda!
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