Poison, Slash, Burn

Poison, Slash, Burn AKA Chemotherapy, Mastectomy, Radiation

In the world of Breast Cancer Jargon, I have become the poster child of enduring all things. I have endured 16 rounds of chemotherapy. 4 rounds of AC also known as "the red devil" due to its most wonderful side effects of making you feel as if you are dying a slow and painful death. Once I finished those, Taxol and Herceptin were a breeze...kind of. If only I didn't have the vertigo, consistent dehydration and chronic nausea. Oh well. I still get a gold star for finishing!

The first slashing came on March 28, 2009. We didn't know what the mass was that they were taking out of me. I knew it hurt like a big, fat, hairy dog and I was ready for the darn thing to come out. When I woke up from that surgery, I was given my new set of rules to live by. Dr. Russell and Dad were on either side of me explaining that it was a 4X5X6 inch mass that was breast cancer. I would need chemotherapy, a radical bilateral mastectomy and radiation. Just six days later, I went under the knife again in order to have a Power Port sewn to the muscle just under my left clavicle. (BTW if anybody says they can't feel it, they are lying! I feel mine all the time! Mine has shifted, so it is lopsided now...most likely from all the accidental head butts from Aiden!) They did a sentinel node biopsy. All four lymph nodes were riddled with cancer.

Raymond Paul had his MAJOR knee surgery on April 8th. Woo Hoo! He is healing well, and we hit our $10,000 deductible within 2 1/2 weeks! Raymond's knee still hurts, but he is soooo much better than he was 8 months ago!

September 24, 2009...I went under the knife again...This time for the mastectomy. I win the prize for the most expensive surgery for the year! Ray's knee surgery was only $61,700.00. My mastectomy was drum roll, please....$72,679.07. Yes, they actually charged the 7 cents! Ray and I both deserve a gold star for these surgeries.

After the mastectomy, I went to my personal burn center aka tanning salon without the tan 33 times, plus 5 'boosts'. YES, the radiation room does smell like the burnt flesh smell you smell at tanning salons. Friends don't let friends tan in cancer coffins! Please pass this on!

My final cut was on December 29th of 2009. I had a complete hysterectomy. The reason behind it: Severe bleeding and abdominal pain during periods followed by bursting cysts 2 weeks later, EVERY MONTH! I was a little at the end of my rope. So, I looked to humor to help me cope. Here's a little conversation I had with Dr. Sherman:

"So, Doc, you know this is my last slash session. Seriously. It is the last tear my body down this year. Every part of me being a woman has been taken away. First my hair, then my boobs and now my uterus, fallopian tubes, cervix, ovaries...PLEASE! I do not want to wake up with a joystick!"

Oh, he was shocked and chuckled as he replied, "That's not my kind of surgery! I'm sure that won't happen."

"I know your brother will be there too, so let's make sure he's in on this with us okay? Thanks for doing this. Starting 2010, God is going to restore what the locusts have eaten and eaten and eaten and eaten!"

He was so kind! Dr. Sherman came in on his vacation in order to perform my surgery. Then, to make matters worse for him, my uterus was attached to my abdominal wall. So, he had to be in there for an extra hour! Bless his heart!

Well, here's to a journey walked, well, I was mostly carried! Thank you, Jesus for carrying me. Thank you, pray warriors and loved ones for carrying my family and me! It's been an incredible journey!

2010
Joel 2:25
"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten, the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm, my great army that I sent among you."

It's kind of neat how I have kept Aliciaphrasing this with, "God will restore what the locusts have eaten, and eaten, and eaten and eaten!" His word has the great locust (eaten aka poisoning), young locust (and eaten aka slashing), the other locusts ( and eaten aka burning), and the locust swarm(and eaten aka emotional fun times I'm dealing with now).

Yes, the Lord sent a great army to come and destroy the cancer in my body. Although I do not have complete medical proof YET, I believe I am cancer free. I am not angry that my body was destroyed with the cancer. (I am, however, super frustrated with my weight! That's a whole other BLOG!) I am looking forward to falling more and more in love with my Savior. I am excited to see what God has in store for our family. When He repays and restores, He never just covers what was lost. He pours out abundantly. I can't wait to see what He does in Ray, Hannah Beth, Aiden and my hearts this year!

Adrenal Insufficiency

"I'm behind on facebook, what's going on?" As I read Julie's words on my profile page, I realized that I have not updated ANY body on what has been going on.


From October 20, 2009 until November 12, 2009 I had the following symptoms EVERY DAY:

• Body tremors, especially my right arm and hand
• Body twitching...My entire body would twitch pretty radically. It was completely involuntary and beginning to interfere with my radiation treatments because I could not remain still on the board.
• Vomiting
• Dry heaving
• Cold chills and cold sweats
• Hot flashes
• Diarrhea
• Pain in my chest and right arm
• FATIGUE

It felt like I was going through drug withdrawals. I was so incredibly tired that I could barely function. I was not able to drive. This burden was given to my sweet friends and incredible parents. While I drove them CRAZY, they drove Hannah Beth, Aiden and I everywhere we needed.

Mom and Dad thought that I was addicted to Ativan. So, I would take some when the twitching, shaking and dry heaving were really bad. Then, my Dad, the seriously brilliant man that he is, spoke to a Doctor he was working with. He suggested that it could be adrenal insufficiency.

On Tuesday...(Glory Juice Day! I'm a Tuesday Trooper at the infusion center. Every 3 weeks I continue with my Herceptin Treatments. If anybody is in town and wants to kill a few hours making sick people laugh, you are welcome to join me!)...on Tuesday, November 10, I went in for my Herceptin. I explained my CRAZY MAD symptoms to Laurie. She had a puzzled and surprised look on her face. Now, you have to know Laurie. This nurse is top notch. She has been working as an Oncology nurse for over 20 years and she is one incredible cookie! Nothing shocks her! I pretty much have broken the mold for weird, off-the-wall intense side-effects and symptoms throughout these past 9 months. I have been in the 1-10% of oh....you'll be okay crap! I have ALWAYS gotten the worst of the worst.

Sorry, I have digressed, again! So, I questioned my sanity as I watched my puzzled nurse leave the infusion room. Within two minutes she was back. "Dr. Fain said you have adrenal insufficiency. You are going to love this one...You will need to take yet another steroid. This one is different. Basically, your body has stopped producing cortisone."

"Oh, thank you, Laurie! I'm so glad you were able to be the messenger of this one! Steroids, lovely, my favorite! My short and now VERY ROUND body can only take so much more weight on!"

I was too tired to get my script filled that day. I finally took the hydrocortisone on Thursday. By Friday afternoon all my symptoms had vanished into complete air.

Lesson 1:

If you or a friend is experiencing narcotic withdrawal symptoms, yet has NOT been taking narcotics, this is a sign of adrenal insufficiency.

Lesson 2:

If you or a friend has had a MAJOR stressor in their life followed by the above stated symptoms, it is a sign of adrenal insufficiency.

Lesson 3:

If you or a friend has been prescribed hydrocortisone for adrenal insufficiency, do not wait to fill and begin taking medication. This will only unnecessarily prolong your agony.

I have to continue to believe one thing. God is who He says He is. He is still on the throne. Jesus is still the Living Word. I shall overcome, for I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and strengthens me and strengthens me!

Pain

What is more excruciating to walk through, physical or emotional pain? Before this past week, I would have immediately answered emotional pain is more excruciating than physical pain, WITHOUT HESITATION!

1992
"I know I can fight you, but until I can take down the Kool-Aid Kid, I won't believe that I will be able to defend myself." The Kool-Aid Kid was a nick-name I gave to the biggest student in Karate World. I had only been learning Karate for 3 months, but I was good, really good at it. Every single time I learned something new, I had to try it out on him. Poor guy was such a good sport! He let me flip him, kick him and beat on him all the time. They all knew why. They knew I NEEDED to do this in order to get my life back. I had all the classic post-traumatic stress signs. In order for me to take my life back, I needed to physically defend myself. I welcomed the bruises I earned at that school. The physical pain somehow helped me heal emotionally.

2000
"Please let me read the label on that bottle. It HAS to be hydrochloric acid!" I begged the nurse who was debreeding my right hand. Her voice was steady as she sympathized, "Mrs. Joyce, it is sterile water, but here it is so you can read it. You have sustained second degree, partial thickness burns. Your nerves are completely exposed. I know you've taken your pain meds. We can't stop the pain, we can only alter your perception of it." I felt as if my hand was still in the fire for two weeks straight. They taught me how to hold a pencil, spoon, everything all over again. Physical therapy is tough. Physical pain hurts. Thank God for creating us with bodies that can heal.

2001
"Monte, everything hurts...everything, even my hair," I sobbed as she held my hopeless body. Tim had just taken Zachary from me. I knew Tim would do everything possible to make sure I would never see Zachary again. I couldn't even take comfort in the words he spoke before leaving, "I'm sorry, I knew what I was before I married you." That was his way of apologizing for the abuse. I knew he didn't want to hurt me, although in my heart of hearts I knew he would eventually kill me. I gave everything to that man. I was NOT the cause of the abuse, nor the adultery. He chose to do these things. I was ashamed that I couldn't keep Zachary because I knew that meant I had to keep a relationship with Tim. Although he was not my biological child, he was the one who gave me the strength to retaliate when his father attacked me. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING more painful than losing a child.

What pain did to Mom...
"Lisa, today, today, today..." stammered Mother. Her voice was so full of joy. She was not in pain for the first time, she truly was happy. You know that joy that comes from the deepest part of your heart? This was that! She continued to explain that Jill had found her. Jill is my sister, well half-sister, but halfsies don't count. She is my SISTER! She described every part of her conversation with Jill. I don't remember any of it now. I just remember listening to her and realizing that it was the first time we had a conversation in which I did not hear the familiar ice clinking in the glass. She called in the morning from the bar. Yet, she was sober and full of life. Mom was whole. God brought her child back to her. Jill was so kind to her. Emotional pain caused Mom to turn to alcohol, which gripped and choked her life while she was living and in the end killed her physically.

Mom abandoned me when I was a child. It hurt her to have a relationship with me. She did not feel 'fit' to be a mother. Forgiving her is so easy. I know she was filling her loss of Jill with alcohol. There were several times that she was supposed to pick me up and she would forget. I would wait all day in the living room looking out the window. I don't remember doing that, but I do remember as I got older thinking, out of sight=out of mind. When I was 21, we started our relationship. I would call her as I grocery shopped at night. She would entertain me with her CRAZY~MAD sense of humor.

16 September 2004
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but your mother could die at any time. There is nothing more we can do." Wow, these words were not what I wanted to hear. Hannah Beth was less than three months old. She has never met her, nor my husband, Ray.

2-3 October 2004
Karri had accrued air miles and used them to give me a ticket to see her. Hannah Beth and I flew to California on October 2nd. I drove and hour and a half straight to Mom's hospital. We arrived around ten that night. They would not let me in. I explained that she could die any moment and I just came in from Texas. "Visiting hours begin at 8 A.M., you may return tomorrow." On October 3, 2004 at 7:00 AM, my cell phone rang. "I'm sorry, but your mother died just a moment ago." I screamed, "Are you crazy!?! You are the same ugly nurse that wouldn't let me see her last night! You do realize that right?"

I was in utter shock as I walked through her trailer that same day. It was a museum of my life. Every single photo she had of me from the time I was a baby, even until that same year was framed on the walls of every room. She carried Hannah Beth's birth announcement in her purse. I never knew she thought about me that much. I really thought she forgot about me when we didn't talk for long periods of time. Emotional pain is much worse than physical pain.

March 28, 2009
"Why do you have to go through this? You have done so much for others." Ray was interrogating me. He did not understand why I would have to walk through this journey. "Babe, it's not what I have done. It's what He will have me learn. Jesus will draw me closer to Him. I just know there is a reason for this. His kingdom will come. Somehow, He will use this so I may be able to help some person in the future. I'm okay with this, really. I don't know why, but I am really at peace."

December 2009
When the emotional strain of illness and all it entails and never ending pain collide, there is no distinguishing between which one is more excruciating. They become interconnected. All pain is relative. There is a point in which a person has endured such great physical pain for so long, that deep emotional pain is birthed. When the battles before this year came and went, the Lord was with me. He fought for me. I am truly an overcomer! I may not feel like one now, but I know in my heart of hearts God created me to go over the hurdles in life and not under. God will go before me and destroy the enemy. This I know. I do have to draw my sword and use it like never before.

Because now...
I see the faces of all these people that love and care for me. All of these faces, all these words of encouragement and empathy on cards, e-mails and letters are revealing the hearts of those around me. They see what I have blocked out this year. PAIN...the agony of fighting for so long. I believe I have already beaten cancer. I truly believe it is completely eradicated from my body. I don't have complete medical proof. I don't need it. I just know. I'm completing the treatments because I trust my doctors and my very pro-active parents implicitly.

Because now...
I have to fight for my man. I have to do whatever it takes to figure out how to show him the respect and complete unconditional and passionate love that he so deserves.

Because now...
The pain management team has assured me that yes, I am hypersensitive to the touch on my entire chest and right side of my upper torso. The pain is real. It is nerve pain. It's effecting my right arm, right side of my rib cage, right back shoulder all the way down to the bottom of my rib cage. Thank you, Jesus that the tumor was on my right side and NOT my left. Otherwise we'd have to watch my heart even more closely! I'm mortified of narcotics because I don't want to develop an addiction. The alternatives are physical therapy, seeking psychiatric help to deal with stress and medication to treat the problem at the root. NO more Ativan! Hooray! Just the steroids, new anti-seizure medication (stops the nerve impulses), and pain meds ONLY if I just can't handle it anymore. I've gone from 18 medications to just 3. Wow! P.S. If I get committed, I'm requesting a pink straight jacket...SERIOUSLY!

Because now...
The floodgates that have been holding back the tempest are getting weak. My coping skills are completely gone. I'm fussing at Hannah Beth for jumping too close to me because I'm terrified she'll accidentally bump my chest. Really? I give Aiden to the first person I can or on the floor when he barely bumps my chest the wrong way. Really? Do they get to have their childhoods ripped away from them because I'm living in fear and succumbing to the pain? NO!

So now...
I have put my fatigues back on. My armor (Eph 6) is in place. I will fight for my mind to come back. I will be able to trust my decision-making. I will be patient and kind and loving. I will BE STILL.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Divine Delay

Have you ever just met somebody and your spirit testifies to their spirit that God has totally and completely orchestrated your friendship? It has come to my attention tonight as I was thanking Jesus for His Hands and Hearts on earth that I have many of these. I don't mean many, I mean a HOST of divine friendships!

What the enemy intended for harm, God is turning around and using it to bless the Holy Cannolie out of me! Seriously, this little thing called cancer has changed my life. This year, I have met so many absolutely incredible people. Many of them, I already knew, but I have really, really, really been able to get to know them.

For example, my mother, Linda. The Lord has given me 4 of what I consider "Moms" in my life. Sandy is my biological mother. She was my late night buddy who kept me laughing. She ordered a grand-daughter and grandson from Ray on our first date. She is with Jesus now. She never did get to see her grandchildren with her human eyes. Linda is my "step" mother...whatever step means...This year, I've learned that she is a STEP above all other women in my life. She is my Besty! I didn't learn that until this year. Man, she is one strong woman! Then there is Michelle. God, I LOVE her. She is crazy-mad strong as well. She is fighting tltcc too. She has been my phone-a-friend and taught me how to scream and cuss this year! Finally, My Monte, who is my spiritual Mom. She knows every part of me and still loves me through it all.

Then there are all my FB buddies, Mighty Women of God, Lifepointers, and high school friends that know Jesus are coming out of the woodwork to encourage me. What's up with HES? What's up with Hutto ISD, the school board and Dr. Borrer? How incredible are they?!?! They have totally blessed our family! How about my Besty, Rachel...and my new girlfriend Alison from Ray's work...and Leah, Hannah Beth's new Mom and a half? I can't forget my CRAAAZZZZY Mexican Sister, Rosie! It's nice to compare novelas. Eddie Bauer fellow employees and bosses....NOT! They are my TEAMMATES and FRIENDS! Old and new friends...I can't list them all, but really!?!?

Do we deserve this? No, but Jesus really loves us, so we get spoiled! Especially by our family...WOW! I've always known my family is tight and supportive (jeez! Sounds like a bra!), but Ray and I would not have made it without them. My in-laws...I just don't even have words. They are the real deal. I've always known it. You can see it in their eyes, but we've experienced it abundantly this year!

God has given me His incredible embrace of family and friends to LIVE instead of just be here, ya know?

Why is it that my body has reacted so harshly to 16 rounds of chemotherapy, 3 surgeries and radiation? Why do I have to be that small percentage that has the insane chronic nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and vertigo? Why have I been sick since flipping October 20th with all of this? Stress...yes. But gee willickers! I sure would like a break from the dry heaves, puking, pooping, crazy twitching and tremors! While I'm complaining...radiation was supposed to be a breeze! More like a SBD fart if you ask me. I have NO energy after 11AM and talk about itching! It's worse than having chicken pox at 27!

The answer is simple. Divine Delay. That's it. I just had to come to the point of being rendered completely physically incapable of doing anything in order to have the scales finally fall from my eyes. (Well that and the diagnosis of adrenal insufficiency which apparently explains all of my symptoms. Oh and WOOHOO! I get to be on more steroids...double woohoo woohoo! This explains the up all night even though I'm exhausted blogs I'm writing.)

The Lord had to bring me to this point to make me accept help. This year, I have needed help. I was not expecting to be this sick during radiation. Yet, the Lord allowed it. It has been so hard. Every single morning, Leah picks up Hannah Beth for school. She is always in incredible pain, yet she smiles. She is living! She loves being a Mom and serving people. She joyfully opens the van door for Hannah Beth, and gives her yummies. The best part...Miss Hailey. Hannah Beth is the MOST beautiful 5 year old. Hailey is definitely the most beautiful 6 year old! Hailey and Hannah Beth are so fun to watch. They just have so much fun together, that you can't help but catch the JOY!

Each morning, Mom drives from Georgetown to Hutto to pick Aiden and I up. We go to radiation in Round Rock at 8:50 every morning. During the time I'm getting burned, Mom walks around, entertains and plays with Aiden. Every single morning, this woman has her hair done, her make-up on and she is dressed nice. She is getting sick, but she is still trucking forward for me. She is literally laying down her life for me every day, as she has done since I was diagnosed. I'm amazed at her tenacity to fight and figure out the medical puzzle called, 'Lisa'.

I am thankful for divine delays, because they cause me to stop! When you are stopped, you can't 'busy' yourself out of your situation. It is what it is and you are forced to reconcile yourself to the fact that life is what you make it. You can sit and let it just "happen", or you can live and enjoy what the Lord has for you each and every moment. I enjoy the 'Joys' of my life, my family and friends!

Friday's Prayer during Radiation

As I lay here for just a few minutes, I will focus on you, Father. Your perfect love casts out all fear. Thank you for life. Thank you for this journey you have me on. For I know now more than ever, You truly are with me. You have never forsaken me. You have always made your presence known to me. Although I cannot see you, I feel you, I smell your sweet fragrance. You are good to all. You are my king and LORD! Truly, you have revealed your love to me. No longer will I seek your hand, but your face...oh Your Beautiful Face! Daddy, thank you for always meeting me in this place. Thank you for your unfailing love that washes over me like sweet, sweet rain. I am so in love with you.

Right now, I am in pain, and I am very, very sick to my stomach. These dry heaves have lasted 3 days now. I don't know how much longer I can endure this in my own strength. So, I am going to rest here in your arms. This may be your divine delay. I don't know. What may I do for you today? My heart, ears and eyes are open...

Teach me to pray...

Lord, you are always faithful. You love us unconditionally. We deserve nothing due to our iniquities, yet you gave your ONLY son up for us. He went through excruciating pain as He traveled down that long road and hung on that awful cross. Jesus made the cross a permanent wonderful reminder for all who love you that NOTHING is greater than your love for us.

I don't understand chronic pain. I don't understand how I can pray for those who experience this. My pain is temporary and I know that. Yet during this journey, I have experienced a gambit of emotions and spiritual warfare. Yet, Abba, Father, you have never ever left me. You have made sure that I have never ever felt alone or isolated. You have used so many people to be your hands and heart on earth so that I won't get stuck in the pit.

It is difficult for me to articulate the physical pain part of this journey. I have passed kidney stones, endured bursting cysts in my ovaries EVERY month, walked through recovery from 2 cesareans, two laproscopies and one lithotripsy. Oh, and my right hand sustained 2nd degree, partial thickness burns. (This one really hurt...especially as they cleaned it daily and then taught me how to use my hand again.) The pain I have endured since the diagnosis has been unbelievable. Oh how I just HATE this little thing called cancer. Oh, please Daddy, help us find more ways to prevent this from happening to your children. (Just look at little Rachael. She has a baby and two girls to tend to. Please stop the enemy. Give her the strength, courage and hope to fight this thing quickly so she can be the wonderful mom she is. Shield her from the excruciating pain and sickness. Draw her husband and her closer into you.)

Emotionally, I have hurt much worse. When Tim came to Monte's that horrible dark day. He took Zachary from me. NOTHING has hurt more than the pain of losing Zachary. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! (For those who do not know, I was married to a man who was abusive to me, not Zachary. Zachary was his and Shannon's son. Yet, for 2 short years, I was able to be a Mommy to him.) I'll never forget sobbing in Monte's arms as she held me tightly. Jesus, you used Monte, Kay, Christy and so many others to bring healing to that part of me. Thank you, I know only 5 years ago, I may not have been capable of writing this paragraph. You knew that I would have everything I needed to fight this emotionally. During the times that I lack faith, hope, or courage, you have brought my family and friends to get me through those moments.

Today, you have laid Alison, Barbara, Patti, and Leah on my heart. They have been in a dark physically painful place for so long. I have no comprehension of pain that lasts years and years and years. As I pray for Raymond and Rosie, 'suddenly' keeps showing up. That seems fair enough. Yet as I bring my other sisters up, I don't have anything but heartache...I pray for hope and strength in you. I read your love letter back to you and your promises of 'strengthening them as they wait upon you, by your stripes they are healed' and many more. As I petition you Lord, will you show me specifically how to pray more effectively for them? Until then, I will continue to listen more than speak and cherish our time together.

Thumbs and Ba Bas

Hannah Beth has always loved her thumb. Aiden loves him some pacifiers. He
calls each one by his special name, "Ba Ba". Sometimes one isn't enough, so he
uses two. Oh, if his mouth could only fit 3 at a time! That would truly be heaven
on earth for him! Ray and I are so thankful for these two little rascals!

Aiden loves to offer his pacifier to you until you take it, then his whole world

crumbles around him...We have no idea how we will break this one. Hannah Beth

is 10 months old in these pictures. The only problem with her thumb sucking is

the amount of money we will be shelling out to correct her mouth. YIKES!

Race for the Cure

Dear Friends and Family,

On November 1st, I will be walking in the Race for the Cure to support the Susan G. Komen Foundation. Would you please consider donating to this cause.

Research is near and dear to my heart. I was diagnosed with Stage 2b, Her2+ breast cancer. The Her2+ part of the diagnosis means that the cancer would metastasize aggressively. In my own language, Her2+ is a crazy mad mamma jamma that creates cancerous tumors all over the body. This will not happen to me because of my prayer warriors, chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiation and HERCEPTIN treatments!

Just 5 years ago, the drug, Herceptin was approved. Due to brave women enduring trial studies, Herceptin proved to destroy the Her2+ protein. Herceptin destroys the Her2+ protein on the inside and outside.

I will continue to have Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks for a year. I call it my "glory juice". I believe with all my heart that your donation will truly help researchers find more "glory juice" for other types of breast cancer. You are helping to save lives. THANK YOU!

On October 20th, Dr. Fain told Mom and I that my CT scans showed I was cancer free. I only have 33 weeks of radiation and three more surgeries ahead of me. So many of you have helped me personally. Thank you! Dr. Fain also placed my name on a list for a trial study on a new drug. I'm so excited that I may be able to help others in the future in more ways than one. Thank you for taking the time to read this even if you can't donate today.


Love,

Alicia
(AKA Lisa, Warrior Princess)

Hannah Beth is proud of her fingerpaint masterpiece on my bald head.


Click here to visit my personal page.

http://www.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/AUS_AustinAffiliate?px=5903073&pg=personal&fr_id=1240&et=NhD2x4-7rmlpsDY0iHbd1Q..&s_tafId=52440

Click here to view the team page for Rivet's Racershttp://www.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/AUS_AustinAffiliate?team_id=119412&pg=team&fr_id=1240&et=8OdoG6ZsVu4BbNJCZpBbrg..&s_tafId=52440

Go to www.komenaustin.org

Clean CT's

Yesterday, Dr. Fain told Mom and I that my CT's were clean. This means that the scans of my chest, abdomen and pelvis revealed no signs of cancer cells. Hooray! Due to the size of the lump they removed on March 28th of this year, I will still have to undergo radiation.

All seven lymph nodes that were removed were cancer free. There was only .6 cm of cancer in the breast tissue that was removed. Yes, I have officially made it through poison and slash. Next step...burn! It's all good...just part of this little journey that God has been walking me through. He is so good! He deserves all the Glory!

I can't wait to get through the next 3 surgeries.

P.S. Please don't be offended if I take a picture of your chest. I am booby shopping. LOL!~

Butterfly Kisses

Tonight, Aiden and I gave each other butterfly kisses! What a gift to have enough eyelashes grown back to be able to do that.

Don't know which made me happier; having the eyelashes to kiss Aiden with or giggling with him as we butterfly kissed!

Won't ever take precious butterfly kisses for granted again.

I love me some checklists!

Oh yeah, baby! I love me some checklists! Those of you who know me know that I love to be able to mark off my little achievements. It's amazing what can make a simple little person like me so happy!

My goals have changed in the last six months. They used to start with cleaning a specific room in the house top to bottom, painting a room, pay bills. You know...fun stuff! Oh how this little thing called cancer can change your daily goals. During chemotherapy my list usually consisted of:

• get up
• take my drugs and supplements
• do anything and everything to not throw up
• try to do something productive for at least an hour or two before sleeping until the next day, or night, or week

Three weeks prior to the mastectomy for an entire week my checklist looked something like this:

• shower as fast as I possibly can before Aiden wakes up
• cry in the shower (My personal pity party lasted a week in the shower, when the shower was over, the party was over!)
• ask the Lord, "What will you have me do today? May I be used somehow for You? What are Your desires, Jesus?" (Praise God, this has lasted more than a week!)
• dress Hannah Beth and make her as happy as possible so she won't have a meltdown
• carry Aiden down with his lovey and silky
• take Hannah Beth to school
• be at school to pick HB up by 2:15
• make dinner and sweep while Aiden takes his nap
• Vacuum with Aiden
• contribute to the gross national product (I worked a couple of nights before surgery at my fun times job at Eddie Bauer Outlet...Shout Out for my EB Buddies! I just love y'all!)
• Sleep...for the Love of God...please let me sleep

You see, I was still very fatigued even 2 weeks out of chemotherapy. That stuff is crazy! If I was able to carry Aiden down the stairs in my arms without getting vertigo, I had accomplished a major goal! Making dinner was a struggle, but I sure wasn't going to tell anybody that!

Today marks the 11th day after my mastectomy. I waisted tons of energy worrying about the scars, the drainage tubes. "WHATEVER! It's seriously no big deal, what a stinking baby!" I thought to myself. Then I realized that these fears were very real. My Jesus is even more real than those fears. His perfect love cast out all those fears. So many saints were on there knees in prayer for me. God heard their prayers and answered them quickly. I am so okay with the loss of my 'girls', thanks be to the Most High God!

Today my checklist looked like this:

• Search the Lord's heart as to how I can help my mother today
• create a checklist with her to make sure her goals are accomplished
• find materials to create a thank you gift for all my praying buddies and helpers
• take as little pain meds as possible
• do as much physical work as I can without hurting my body
• rest as needed
• Join Rivet's Racers and beat the pants off my family members in donations to Race for the Cure (for Nov 1st)
• start my die with a t that is supposed to change my life and cause this weight to 'melt off'

My goals were mostly accomplished today. I miss my children. Tomorrow I shall hold Aiden and Hannah Beth in my arms and kiss them until they scream, "Mommy is the Greatest!" I will dress up for my husband and hope that he sees a change in me for the better!

My only checklist for now is to lay like broccoli on the recliner, watching the boob tube with Mom until I fall asleep...

Superior Creme Horn Dance

Mother did the superior dance today in Dr. Staebel's office with Dad, Dr. Staebel and me as her audience! As we were chatting about the 7 clean lymph nodes, I told Dr. Staebel that Mom did her Superior dance while I performed my creme horn dance in celebration of the wonderful news the night before. There is no shame in performing any kind of dance when you get good news like that! Mom proudly danced right there in the tiny examination room. It was awesome.

The best part of hearing the good news is seeing the relief on Mom's face. Just six months ago, Dr. Scissorhands removed 4 lymph nodes which all were riddled with cancer. It is great to know that prayer and the chemotherapy worked. Hooray! That was worth the 20 weeks of poison therapy. It killed the cancer. Dr. Scissorhands told me that the breast tissue had a "tiny" amount of cancer in it, but that was to be expected.

It's a good thing that I love Dr. Staebel, whom from now on will be affectionately named Da Vinci, because he will be putting me back together again until December 23rd. We get to see Dr. Scissorhands next week. Radiation will commence on October 26th. (Oh, by the way, I swear I do NOT have multiple personalities...when I say 'we' that means my besty, Mom, and every single one of you that has lifted us up in prayer. You go into those offices with us. THANK YOU!)

Let me write out my thoughts and some of my goals right now:

1. Heal from surgery enough to support my Orange Kitten in his Autism Walk on October 11th.
2. Eat, breathe and sleep the anti-cancer diet...(This means more asparagus and less creme horns!)
3. Lose 50 pounds in the next 6 months.
4. Complete 6 1/2 weeks of radiation with minimal side effects.
5. Enjoy the crazy hairstyles I'll be sporting as my hair grows back.
6. Trust in the Lord instead of trippin' out on silly little things like having drains and recovery time.
7. Stand firm on the Word as my expanders are filled each week.
8. Write thank you notes in better timing than I am currently doing.
9. Earn as many or more donations for the Komen Austin Race for the Cure than my family members.
10. Go on a real live date with Ray where we both get dressed up and use our $30 gift certificate to La Margarita.

The Lord is gently and graciously teaching me to put my trust in Him. I'm learning to hear His voice again. He's teaching me the truth of Phillipians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, make your requests known to God. He has showered peace and grace over me to walk through this season in my life. I am just falling in love with my Jesus all over again. It is amazing!

this little thing called cancer has been a divine delay for me to learn how to trust in Him completely. I am so very thankful for the gifts and blessings the Lord has bestowed upon my family and me. Here are just a tiny few of the incredible lessons and blessings He's taught me.

1. I've learned what a treasure my besty (Mom) is to me.
2. My father in heaven has drawn me closer and allowed me to crawl up into His loving arms.
3. I've always known that I have had an exceptional childhood. Growing up with both parents (Well, Linda is my stepmother, but she has been my mother!), 2 brothers and 2 sisters is fun! Because of tltcc, my brothers, brothers from another mother, sisters, nieces and nephew have had excuses to come spend time with us! AWESOME! Have I mentioned how cool and fun my family is?
4. Raymond and I are learning how to recieve gifts from others. I can't wait until I can give back!
5. I've never had a doubt about my Dad's love for me. tltcc has allowed me to spend more time with him, which has only reaffirmed our love for eachother. There is nothing like a Father's love. Truly, it is a gift within itself!
6. I've learned that when I have a need, I need only to go to my Abba Father and ask. He will answer it. He will not only answer it, but He will do it quickly and bless me beyond my needs.
7. The women I've met in infusion and through Pink Ribbon Cowgirls are absolutely beautiful and strong! I can only hope an pray that I can encourage them as they have encouraged me!
8. The Lord has layed my name upon several intercessors hearts. Thank you, Saints for battling for me in prayer!

Wow, it is 12:20 AM on a Friday night. I'm exhausted, yet I keep typing. Dad is playing his shooting game on his XBox 360 as I have been laying my heart on this blog. It's kind of funny. Much love and hugs to all of you whom have helped my family and me through this season in our lives. Time for mi mis. Mom and Dad are taking me to visit my sweet children tomorrow. I'm so excited!

I am beautiful.

Every woman has an inner strength hidden deep inside of her . Each woman must choose how she will obtain it. She can grasp onto it by sheer will power, or she can call on the One who placed that strength within her.

Today, the Lord has been listening closely to the prayers of the saints. His eyes have been running to and fro across the ends of the earth to strongly support those who's hearts are wholey his. Thank you, saints, for praying.

Two weeks ago, I was plagued with fear. Mom and many others endured listening to my fears of looking all 'matrixy'. Secretly, I was petrified at the sight of my chest being maimed. God is good. He has replaced these fears with peace. I'm ready to walk with my head held high, knowing my Jesus has everything under control. I will not walk in fear. He makes all things beautiful in his time. I am beautiful. I am beautiful in His sight. That's all that matters.

Surgery

Here are the details of the surgery...

What: Bilateral mastectomy, removal of lymph nodes and insertion of expanders
Where: St. David's Hospital in Georgetown
When: Noon, Thursday, September 24, 2009
Why: I've never asked why...Just know this is where I'm walking and I'm NEVER alone.

It is a bilateral mastectomy. This means that both breasts will be removed. Dr. Scissorhands (Dr. Russell) will also take out my lymph nodes. Dr. Staebel (My plastic surgeon who doesn't have a nickname YET.) will place expanders in when Dr. Scissorhands finishes.

We (No, I'm NOT Cybil, my family and I) need to be at Georgetown Hospital by 10AM. Surgery starts at noon and is expected to take 3-4 hours. (If I remember correctly.) Dr. Scissorhands expects me to stay in the hospital for 2-3 days.

Mom is taking me to her "Granny Spa" to heal up while Ray's Mom takes over at our house beginning on Saturday. My baby brother, Brad is here to until Sunday for anything we need. (Tee Hee...Brad, do you remember us sneaking around the house like detectives or something and you would say, "Okay, Boss," in that silly voice. I am tickled right now recalling that...) He'll be taking Hannah Beth to and from school for us and whatever else the boss wants. uh oh...I'm digressing as I shiver.

Details...details...OH! For all my prayer buddies: Lymphodema (I have no clue how to spell it and I'm too tired to care right now.) is a condition that is a possibility post surgery. I'll spare you the explanation right now. It is something I do NOT want. It is painful and once you have it, you have it for life...so it's a bad guy!

I'm tired and have tons of preparation ahead of me tomorrow. Thank you for praying.

ABC...F..U

*WARNING* If you are one of my former students...please let your mom or dad read this before going any further, please. It is full of negativity and profanity. Love, Mrs. Rivet...Uh, the same goes for you too, May, Alli-Roo and Ki-Ki!

Okay! Please know that I LOVE JESUS, but I have a total potty mouth right now. I just want to get this out. This is where I am at this moment.

I'm ready for Dr. Scissorhands to remove these things on my chest. I truly love my surgeon! He is the most compassionate man and doctor ever! Dr. Russell is so wonderful. The three incisions he made in the first 2 surgeries are minimal. I know the cuts he will be making will be much greater. I also know that he is NOT going into the room alone. The very Hands of God will be guiding his hands. So, there is no fear in me right now.

I am pissed off though! I've been pissed all night long! These girls have turned on me and I want the bitches off! I hate cancer and what it does to women physically and emotionally. I hate that 1 in 7 women are diagnosed with breast cancer. I pray that I'm taking the hit for my family and my sisters, nieces and Mom will NOT have to go through this. I hate the toll it takes on my family! I hate the financial burden it has been on my ENTIRE family!

The absolute frickin' worst dang part of this whole thing is the recovery. F* U*, cancer for making me have these danged surgeries that strip me of the ability to hold my children for who knows how long. I want to be able to see and hold my children. I know Hannah Beth will be able to lay beside me. She has been so good through the first 2 surgeries. Oh, but my sweet little monkey won't be able to do that. Aiden has been such great JOY to me that I can't imagine being apart from him. He's kept me laughing these last few weeks I've had the days alone with him. This absolutely breaks me.

Jehovah Jireh

"Oh No!" Aiden cries out as he hurls a pea across the dining room table. He is so stinking cute when he does it. He exclaims, "Oh NO!" in such a sweet voice that it is nearly impossible to correct him.

"Food goes in your mouth or on your plate, please, Sir," I correct in my best firm teacher voice. Then I realize, I don't have that same stern voice I used to have.

God is doing something in me. I think He is granting my request of more of Him and less of me. As of now, I believe that I won't be able to be a classroom teacher again due to the stress. God has given me the grace to accept that. I just don't know what He will have me do next. I LOVE teaching. I LOVE my kiddos! That fire in my heart for the nations is still strong. At the same time, I know this little thing called cancer has given me new perspectives on just about everything.

When you fight a booger like cancer, God just gives you strength and courage. When you start to shake, He brings family and friends alongside of you to lift you up. Some moments are harder than others. Sometimes it's just the Big JC and me in the shower... as I sing, "Shout to the Lord, Shout to the Lord, Shout to the Lord of Hosts. It breaks a heavy yoke, It breaks a heavy yoke when you shout, you shout to the Lord!"

Other times it's a phone a friend that is teaching you to scream, "Fuck you, cancer!" Thank you, Michelle! I love you just the way you are! Then there are moments when you call your bestie to hold your hair back as you spew into the porcelain god. (And it sucks when you do it over and over and you aren't even pregnant!)

Then you cry out to God, "I can't do this, I really need help. I miss my mom!" The next day, He has your sister call and be that help. He has friends from GHS write you specific prayers that they are praying...and they are praying exactly what I've been praying...even the same words!!!! He even has people I haven't even met *until 8/22* send you a 100 cards of encouragement and blessing. Then they pray over you and you realize HOLY JESUS! She is an intercessor that totally knows how to get down and war in the heavens for you! YES LORD!

I started this posting 3 days ago. It was getting so long. So many people have been incredible blessings to us that I felt that I shouldn't post the entire thing. I didn't want to miss anybody. I cut it off at this point, because I started naming people. I want to thank everybody individually. I just know that I won't be able to remember every name right now. Thank you everybody for being the hands, feet, and heart of Jesus extended to my family and I during this season in our lives.

One lesson that I obviously had not learned until tltcc is that God WILL MEET MY EVERY NEED. He is Jehovah Jireh. He will make sure that my husband, daughter and son are taken care of when I can't. He will do it with or without me asking out loud to a person. He will use people to accomplish what I can't. It's truly amazing.

Yee Haw!

Today I woke up with bed head! Yippeee!

Last night, as I was praying, I swore I heard somebody in our house. Of course, those of you who know me know that I immediately started trippin'! You would think that since I was all up in the Big JC's lap, that I wouldn't have any fear...Then I saw shadows. Then I started singing that song by Misty Edwards, it's only a shadow, only a shadow. Somebody was definitely in our house. In my best Indian stealth tip toe, I entered Hannah Beths' room. She was getting herself all comfy.

"Oh, hey, Momma! I just went potty and I am going back to bed now." explained my way too grown up five year old.

Are you kidding me? You got up on your own, did not wake me up to help you with lights, and now you are voluntarily going back to bed. Should I offer my bed to her since she is so grown up? She is such a cuddler! I resisted the temptation and thanked Jesus that our night stalker was a princess going potty all by her grown up self!

Oh, but there's more!

1. Aiden, my boy child who does not cuddle...has done nothing but cuddle with me the last two days. I even get an occasional kiss...YES, Gramma...on the lips...I know you are cringing right now! He even took the pacifier out to kiss me! YUM SLOBBERY KISSES!


2. I was able to mop the kitchen floor!


3. I pulled weeds from my flower bed for 10 minutes.


4. I steam cleaned our carpet.


5. I laughed at the thought of me in a plastic surgeon's office holding a boobie in my hand...I never thought I'd do that!
   
6. I'm happy to have needed to shave my legs. It makes me feel girly to have to do these grown up things!


7. Have I mentioned that Hannah Beth is going to the BEST school ever?!?! God, I love every person who works and volunteers in that building....crazy mad love them!

There's more I'm sure of it. Mom said I needed to write some of the good stuff down on my blog. How am I doing so far, Mom?

Oh...I couldn't sleep the other night and my girlfriend, Lorie, wrote me a lullaby:

Rock a bye Alicia in the tree top, when the wind blows the steroids will stop; when the bough breaks the cancer will fall and Jesus will catch you hair loss and all.

Is that not the CUTEST!?! She probably thought of it in less than 3 seconds. Yes, she got all the creative genes!

OH...and this is how I have been spending my days:

Aiden loves to play with shoes! Aiden's new trick is climbing into this bookshelf~

This happened while I was sleeping. Daddy fed Aiden Spaghetti! Aiden is resting on his silky and using Hannah Beth's silky. He really, really, really wanted to have her's cover him up. Thank you, Sue, for the beautiful silky! It's made for a Princess and a Prince.

184

"Who is that? Where did my body go? Is she in there somewhere?" I inquired of the puffy eyed person staring at me. She didn't respond. Ignoring me didn't help my self esteem, I mustered up the courage to ask again. This time my voice started to crack as I held the tears back.

"Have you seen Alicia, Lisa, Ladders, Laddy, Mrs. Rivet, Rivet? She has been called lots of names, perhaps you have heard of her. She loves Jesus, her family and friends. She is a teacher and a learner. Please, I need to find her!"

That *@#! had the audacity to refuse any type of response. She just stood there mocking me with every word that came out of my mouth. Her chin jiggled as she mimicked my every move. That is disgusting, I thought to myself. Thank you, Lord that she has her clothes on, because that belly looks bigger than the great Saint Nick!

Since I was diagnosed with this little thing called cancer, I made a decision. I decided that I would not allow this steal my joy. I am learning to pull myself away from people like this crazy woman that keeps making fun of me!

"You are not being nice, so I'm going to step away from you now," I politely explained to her.

As I turned away, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. I turned to face her for the last time. There was something familiar about her eyes. They reminded me of my Mom, Sandy. I know those eyes! They are mine! Great! That's me! Oh for crying in the night! I have something else to bring my can of whoop butt on! It is on like Donkey Kong!

I have never questioned tltcc. I've always kind of known in my heart of hearts that I need to walk through this for somebody else. I can't explain it. (I think that's why I was so upset that I couldn't be part of a study that would help others in the future with their treatment.) I just have been okay with all of it. Don't get me wrong, I don't enjoy the whole poison, slash and burn process. I do know that Jesus will get the glory. His plan and purposes are perfect for me. I don't know what they are yet, but let me tell you, I am inquiring of the Lord..."Please, give me the desires of Your heart, God. Show me where You want me. I want to walk with You and no other place."

He reminded me of this:

Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1Cor 9:26-27

I am certainly no preacher! I surely do have a heart for the nations, though. I will keep fighting alongside every single person that is fighting with me!

So, when I complain about the massiveness of my body, I will hold onto this scripture. I am writing these excuses down, so that I will get them out of my head and lay them to rest.

1. It's only a number.
2. It's because of the steroids.
3. It's not a big deal right now.
4. It will come off quickly.
5. It's water retention.
6. It's all these people's fault! They keep bringing this amazing food. Somebody has to eat it.

The fact of the matter is I am HUGE! Hello...when one's neck is as big as one's head...it can't be a good thing.I am five feet, two and three quarters inches tall! I am not big boned. I look like a cross between Jabba the Hut, and an Oompa Loompa.

RIP excuses! Alicia is rising up and standing on the Rock!

411 I really didn't need to know...

Stage 2B...that's not that bad of a staging for the diagnosis of breast cancer I received. Yeah, they cut out a 4X5x6 tumor out...

"It's treatable and curable" Dr. Fain explained confidently to me. My parents backed him up, so it was a done deal.

All I had to do was walk through chemotherapy, a bilateral mastectomy, radiation, hysterectomy, and reconstruction. Yes, I would walk through the valley of the shadow of death. No biggie, My Jesus would be there with me! That is what they do to patients like me. They kill the cancer, but in the process they kill the good cells to. The truth is, they are killing me softly with everything in their arsenal.

I have always chosen NOT to look things up on the Internet. I knew that if I did, fear would set in and I would not be able to keep my eyes where they need to be...JESUS. Peter started sinking in the water when he was walking out on the water to Jesus on the lake that night. As soon as he fixed his eyes on Jesus, he was able to walk on water. Right now, I need to walk on water!

Then there was Sunday. I couldn't go anywhere, because I was sick, but I wasn't tired. I called my phone-a-friend, Michelle. She looks everything up. She was diagnosed with stage 4 two years ago. She was a mom to me when I was growing up. I love her dearly, BUT she loves to research things AND she is very opinionated. She told me all about the Herceptin web sight and how I should contact them, because they will send me a goodie package. They also had a very informative video. "It's all good information, no scary stuff. You can't live in fear. You have to know these things. It's all good," she assured me.

GOOD MY BUTT! I meandered to the web site once we hung up the phone. 25% of breast cancer patients have the Her2 positive protein. I always thought, I have the good kind of cancer that you can beat. I am part of the 25%, so I am even better off than others. Uh...How about NO on that one!

If you have the Her2 positive protein, as I do, it is an AGGRESSIVE METASTASIZING BAD DUDE! Holy fast dividing cancer cells, Batman...This is bad! REALLY BAD! So, I talked to Michelle again. She oh so matter of factly responds, "oh yeah, mine is bad, but so is yours, we are probably like on the same level of badness on the cancer thing."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?! THANK GOD I'm already taking herceptin! Had I found this out while I was going through the AC for 8 weeks, I would have totally lost it. Seriously, straight jacket, padded walls and Alicia rocking back in forth in fetal position losing it! BUT, God knows me. He has perfect timing! He allowed me to find out about it while I'm going through my last two treatments (although, I'll continue to take herceptin for another 12 months).

Herceptin has just been approved within the last 5 years. It binds to the HER2 proteins on the inside and outside of the cells to completely obliterate the bad guys. PHEEEEWWWW ... Take a deep breath, remember who your Father in Heaven is and RELAX.

I only have the most pro-active parents in the world. Mom said her and Dad did know this whole time and are watching every angle of my treatment. Thank God, because I honestly can't. I am a 36 year old woman who has to call her Daddy in the middle of the night to make sure when I take my drugs, I won't pull a Heath Ledger by mixing them up. I keep a daily spreadsheet of my medications and supplements and take monitoring notes at the bottom. (Thank you, Sherri Rector!)

The good news is I have an incredible amount of people taking care of me. My heart is full. These crazy people are calling me, writing me, sending me cards, chatting through Facebook, making our family meals, raising money for us...We would NOT make it without the Grace of God! I have never seen such an outpouring from my family and friends. I have always known I'm surrounded by good peeps, but now I KNOW and I don't take anything for granted. Right now, I am just glad to be able to end this blog, go upstairs and cuddle with my Hannah Beth the big Kindergartner! What a sweet way to live!

1st Day of Kinder!

She found a seat! Here is the wonderful and beautiful (inside and out) Ms. Gonzales helping Hannah Beth with her name tag.

CRAZY school parking lot shot... Tons of parents were there with their Kindergartners acting like it was a special day or something! They were all taking pictures right and left! They were acting like they were trusting the people in this school with their most prized gifts from God. YEP! US TOO!

She was so good about taking pictures at the house! We just love her five whole dollars!

"Mommy, Coach Gavit wore a PINK shirt!" giggled Hannah Beth as she climbed into the car. "It was hilarious!"

"I ate chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes and water!" she spilled out just as excitedly as she had announced Coach Gavit's attire.

Ray and I pummelled questions at her all at once. She answered most of them with precision.

1. Yes, I made friends.
2. I went down your giant hippo slide Mommy!
3. I have a hippo tail and I use it.
4. I rested, I didn't sleep. I'm just too big now.
5. I saw your friends.
6. There was one boy that wouldn't leave me alone, but I said, stop it, please.

That's about all I can remember now. I did find out a secret about Ms. Gonzales that I never knew until today. She has magical powers!

Hannah Beth fell asleep by 7:00 on her daddy's lap! THANK YOU, MS. GONZALES!

Editor's Note:

Oh Hooray! Hannah Beth is finally a Hutto Hippo! What a great day to erase Hannah Beth's first experiences.

Meet the Teacher Night was NOT a success for Hannah Beth. She walked across the hall to get a drink of water. When she walked back, she walked back to a man with a stroller who was NOT her father. It scared her. So, the rest of the night was a bust.

BUT NOT TODAY! OH HOW SHE'S LOVES HER SOME MS. GONZALES! She walked into her new classroom, picked her name tag up and looked at her teacher in the eyes! She was not scared to talk with her this time! Ms. Gonzales helped Hannah Beth with her name tag and she searched for a seat. These kids are so stinking adorable! Seriously! She sat across a little girl who was wearing a long black and white scarf around her neck. CUTIE PATOOTIE!

I don't know if it's okay to use other children's names, so, I'm leaving those out. All I can say is the children at her table were so cute I could have taken them all home! ADORABLE! She couldn't wait to give Ms. Gonzales her presents! (Dry Erase Markers and Play-Doh...I don't want anybody trying to think I am trying to brown nose the teacher!)

Thank you, Jesus for always having a perfect plan for our little family. No tears fell from my eyes today. I knew Hannah Beth was still with family up at Hutto Elementary... OH POO! Now tears are falling from my eyes. Each and every person there is so near and dear to me. If any of y'all are reading this, please know that I so heart you with everything that is in me. Y'all are such incredible people...you just don't even know!

New Dryer Explained

Riddle me this, Batman: What do you do when your dryer gets hot, spins, but takes over 2 hours to dry your clothes?

Check your outside vent, OF COURSE!

V>Oh! Looky there, Robin! It's YOUR nest all up in MY dryer vent! LOVELY!

...And this is why I just love my girlfriend, Rachel and her family! Just minutes after her husband installed a new battery in the truck...(Yes, he did just replace the car battery last month..when it rains!)

Meet Fabian...he is a great guy! The only problem with him is that he's always lookin for an excuse to fish...SERIOUSLY! PROOF:


Mr. Fabian, our hero, works hard while Sancho and Ray observe in disbelief!

Okay...so we were pretty sure these weren't going to hatch.

This is what Fabian sucked out of our vent. Thanks a lot, ROBIN! Have I mentioned that I really have a strong disdain towards birds. They are evil!

Hello and good-bye to more hard earned money! Our dryer refused to even start the next day. RIP dryer. Thank you, Home Depot for sales and no interest for 12 months. Sorry to disappoint you, Dave Ramsey!