GiGi and Grandpa

Grandma Evelyn AKA GiGi (Great Grandma) is in the arms of Jesus now. We weren't expecting it all. Mom went to California to take care of Grandma and Bob on June 1st, expecting to return on the 7th. God had a different plan.

You see, He knew Bob would need her there. Jesus knew that Bob would be admitted into the hospital. He also knew that Bob would be diagnosed with congestive heart failure and kidney failure. Bob has had to go through dialysis often before. We did not know that the doctors would tell Mom to call in the family, because he may not make it. Bob is a fighter! I believe he wanted to get well for Grandma.

I'm having such a hard time writing. I've attempted to write and complete this blog since June 26th. I want so badly to express how I feel about Grandma. She was so cool.

I remember as a child being so proud that I had a Grandma that would go on rides with us at Disneyland. Every year, she would come to Texas. Each of us grandchildren were able to skip school to have a day just with her! It was awesome. She would take us anywhere we wanted to eat and then take us shopping. Of course, Brad and I always chose Showbiz Pizza Place. Poor Grandma! If Ty decided to do it to, that meant Pizza 3 days in a row! She never complained. After eating pizza and playing games, she would take me to Kinney shoe store. It happened to be right next door. She would buy me a brand new pair of shoes! It was exciting because I have Dad's duck feet. Kinney's carried Bass shoes for wide feet!

The strongest I've ever seen her was back in the summer of 2001. Tim had thrown me down the stairs and let his anger out on me & I had to get another hotel. He called me several times asking what I wanted to take with me back to Texas. He meant the Millenia or the Blazer. I always responded with, "Zachary". After 3 days, he finally agreed to let me take Zachary with me. He brought Zachary to me at the hotel lobby of the hotel I was staying in. He said I had 2 hours to pack. He took his parents to the airport, Zachary and I went to pack. We drove straight to Huntington Beach.

I finally was able to start processing things there. Grandma was there for me in one of my darkest hours. She encouraged me, cried with me and listened to me. I hated to leave her. I was so ashamed of being abused, that I just didn't want anybody to know. I let her know, she didn't think anything less of me. She just held my hand and encouraged me to take things one at a time. She encouraged me that I was making the right decisions. I needed that so badly. After 3 days with her I drove back to Texas. I drove back with a new understanding of my Grandmother. I never thought of her as weak. She was definitely stronger and wiser than I had ever known.

Shannon called me first early in the morning. I answered, "Is it Grandma?" She said yes, it doesn't look good. Immediately I thought of my Mom who had to go through this with Papa all by herself. Now, she's having to go through this with Grandma. My heart was torn for her. I immediately started to pray for my Mom. I knew she would need the Lord's strength to walk through this valley.

On June 26th, Shannon called again and told me how Mom was worried about Grandma dieing on Hannah Beth's birthday. Then it hit me. I would have to explain GiGi's death to my precious daughter. She loves her GiGi and Grandpa.

Hannah Beth sat in my lap. I explained, "Hannah Beth, GiGi died today. She is in heaven now. Do you know what that means?"

"No, what does that mean, Momma?"

"Well, it means that GiGi is in Jesus' arms now. She gets to dance and sing all day and all night. She gets to wear a crown. She also gets to see beautiful colors that we have never seen. We will see her again, but not until the Lord says."

"Okay, she's happy?" she asked....

"OHHHH YES! She is happy all the time."

The top picture is Hannah Beth doing crafts with Grandma. Here is Grandma with Dad at Baskin Robbins. Grandma's favorite place on earth! Funny faces with Dad in Grandma's kitchen.
Oh how Aiden brought a smile to her face!

Keeping It REAL!

This is the smile Aiden makes when he KNOWS he is busted and NOT to be trusted! He is sitting in the office chair that spins by the puter...No, he is NOT supposed to be here!

"A daughter will bring you joy. There is a special blessing with daughters!" Monte assured me. She was right...AS ALWAYS! Hannah Beth has done nothing short of live up to her name. It means 'mercy, grace, prayer and deliverer of JOY'.

"Who brings Mommy Joy?" I'd quiz her lovingly. "Hannah Beth makes Mommy happy," has been her response since she was at least 15 months old. The girl was speaking way faster than Aiden...Which brings us to the far, far, far, ever so very far other side of the spectrum.

Aiden is my gift from God! He truly is! He has taught me so much, and truly drawn me closer to the Lord. Seriously, and in jest, Aiden really has! I need help with this little rascal even more than my drama queen (whom my sister, Shannon will raise through her teen years! Thanks, Shannon! Don't thank me, really!).

Pride comes before the fall. Oh, I've been proud of being the Model Mommy teaching him how to pray when he wakes up, before he eats and lays down. I've been proud of encouraging him to play his drums louder while Hannah Beth and I sing, Hail, Jesus, Your MY KING! The bigger the pride, the harder the fall. Oh how I've fallen. If anybody would like to help me up, I'll probably still be laying on the floor face down for the next week. You know where I live. Hannah Beth would be kind enough to let you in!

These are the ways Aiden James is helping me KEEP IT REAL, YO! Keep in mind, this has all taken place within 12 SHORT/LONG/FUN? hours!

1. My little Rascal is cutting molars big time, bad time! He wakes up screaming! I scramble out of bed, tie my hair back, and stumble into his room as quick as possible. (See, I am losing my mind! I wrote I tie my hair back...I'M BALD for goodness sake!) Our routine consists of milk, Little Einsteins, his puppy (Thank you Watkins Family!), the big brown chair and Mommy rubbing his tiny feet. Today, I got lost watching June dance her way out of meteors. I glanced down at my side to see that my son was entertaining himself by spitting out MOUTHFULS of MILK all over his clothes! They were so soaked that they actually splashed when he hit his chest! His Children's Place outfit! OH MAN!!!


2. I took his soggy little outfit upstairs, sprayed it with Shout, said a little pray for the stain to be released, retrieved a NEW outfit and RAN back downstairs winded, woozy and ready for a stiff Sonic Limeaid! Oh, looky there! My son was standing ever so PROUDLY with his diaper in his hand. He was Kool-Aid Kid smiling to the moon and back! Thank you, Jesus! He did not make fudge or lemonade!


3. He realized that swiping things from Hannah Beth was rather entertaining. When she got up from her chair, he RAN and clumsily climbed into it...LAUGHING!!! He even had his one arm behind his back as he ran. He does that when he wants to go super fast. I guess it gives him less wind resistance. It probably didn't help when I said, "Swiper, NO SWIPING!" because he continued his new trick all day long! And NO! This has not gone over well with Princess Hannah Beth!


4. Aiden has added a new word to his ever-increasing vocabulary! He has a very special way of saying HI! He starts it with an 'S' and ends it with a 'T'! LOVELY...(*I confess! I'm addicted to Farmtown on FB! I was starting a harvest job. My very FIRST one, and all of a sudden a box came up asking if I would like to continue to work online. When I checked it, I lost my job! That is when my son learned to say HI in a please don't ever repeat this in front of your teachers way! So, yes, I have contributed to the delinquency of my own job because I have an addiction. The first step is admitting it!)


5. He figured out that there is a slight slope at the back of the bathtub tonight. He can slide up and down it...while his MOTHER prays backwards and forwards that the Lord would please keep him safe while giving me wisdom on how to deter him from using his indoor water slide.


6. Wisdom came, although I obviously didn't see it all the way through...I started drumming on the top and side of the tub and the wall. They made 3 different sounds, the wall being the bass! We drummed our way to HB's room. (His room has an open stairway on the way.) I left him for 3 seconds naked as a Jaybird...BIRD being the operative word! Seriously, I shut her door and RAN no more than 5 feet to fetch a diaper from his drawer. (Get it, he didn't have any drawers on! Sorry, I'm delirious!) A CD from Hannah Beth's open jam box lay in the center of the room. There was Aiden playing her drums with both sticks...Oh, and there was a little yellow line in the carpet where his fire hose apparently had gone off!@#%!


7. And the piece de resistance!!!! "OH! AIDEN JAMES RIVET, NO SIR YOUNG MAN!" Hannah Beth's voice rang through the house. I was upstairs making plans for tomorrow's festivities. (Tuesday Troopers at the infusion center..be there or be square!) Ray was watching LSU SPANK UT. When I arrived at the scened, Aiden was spinning around in what was left of our purple curtains! He yanked the rod down and the hardware out of the wall!

THANK YOU, AIDEN for Keeping IT REAL! I love you, Buddy!

Things I wonder...

• If my hair is falling out all over my body, why do I still have to shave my knees?
• I've noticed my bald head sweats easily. Did it sweat easily when I had hair and just didn't notice?
• Can people tell that I only have one and a half?
• Is there a reason Aiden keeps crashing into my port? It's sewn to my muscle under my skin. It's invisible to him...or is it?
• How can one person suffer from fatigue AND insomnia AT THE SAME TIME?
• Should I use Shampoo or just soap?
• If I use Shampoo, should I use conditioner?
• I'm nauseated and tired, why doesn't the cancer card get me out of changing Aiden's big stinky diapers?
• Why do scarves on other ladies look pretty and I look like a pirate? ARRGHH!

All Growed Up

"I got pockets! I got gum! I got pockets! I got gum!" Kristen, at 3 was very easy to please. Yes, she has always been fashion conscious and all too aware of things she can do that make her show that she is a BIG girl!

"Aunt Lisa, it's time to put your cream on. Aunt Lisa, have you drunken your water? Aunt Lisa, do you need anything?" It just brings me to tears that MY Sweet 3 year old niece, Kristen is now a teen taking care of me through chemo. I have dubbed her the WATER NAZI after her mother. They do everything they can to keep me hydrated.

Alli Baba, Allie Roo...A freshman in HIGH SCHOOL?!?!? REALLY!?!?! REALLY!?!?! This is crazy! No more braces, healed foot, new hair do and still she even-keeled, down to earth kid, teen I know. She changes poopy diapers without wincing, keeps up with Monkeys Aiden and Kahler AT THE SAME TIME, handles Diva Hannah Beth Wardrobe Meltdowns calmly AND reminds me to drink! How many Freshman girls do you know that can see something that needs to be taken care of around the house or for somebody and does it before she is asked? AMAZING!

What is Shannon feeding these kids? They are responsible, kind, caring and selfless. Pretty neat for teens, seriously. It's rather unbelievable these days! Maybe I can turn Hannah Beth over to her when she reaches their age!

Little Man Kahler! Could you be ANY CUTER or any more ENERGETIC!? You were so kind to Aiden. You so enjoy being the BIG BOY cousin! Hilarious little man! I'm sorry you had to go home! It cracks me up to just watch you play! When you stand, you look just like your DADDY! Oh boy! You have the exact same stance and mannerisms as your Hero! Cutie Patootie~

Thank you, Doug, for sharing your family with me! Thank you for braving the homestead by yourself so everybody could take care of me! You are a good man, Charlie Brown!

Shannon, Water Nazi and all I just love you and cannot thank you enough for coming in and taking over when I am completely snowed. I don't know how you manage to take care of me, the kids, do laundry, clean bathrooms, prepare meals, deal me my drugs and still keep going. Yet, you still had plenty of energy and spunk to offer me water every time I turned around! You are Superwoman, seriously, you are!

Shut-Up TESTS!

SHUT-UP! I so am over all the tests I'm taking over and over and over. REALLY!?!?

The promise-breaking lady is so in the past!!!!! Hooray! I had to sign a piece of paper stating what happened at my bank...bald head, late to chemo and all! Heather let me use the bank phone to speak to promise-breaking lady's supervisor for 20 minutes. He promised to credit the account immediately. This was at 9:30 AM after they had taken all our money hostage for the past 4 days. He also let me know that the money they took from me was a clerical error and NOT a computer glitch...NICE...Just another thank you, Jesus for giving me a new opportunity to FORGIVE....I'm so not passing this test apparently, because I keep having to take it over and over and over again.

Rosie took me to Chemo. She looked so pitiful trying to sit in a chair with her crazy back pain. She enjoyed watching me get loaded on benadryl. Oh, Rosie! I just love you to pieces! I battled hiccups...loud ones and chills. Once they gave me 3 more blankets on top of the one I always bring I was cozy comafied. Thank you steroids for not only allowing me to gain weight and morph my body into Oompa Loompa status, but also giving me the gift of insomnia! I'm sure I drooled, snored or farted because I was KNOCKED out! Thank goodness I'm normally a Tuesday Trooper instead of a Wednesday Warrior, because I don't know if I want any of those patients to see me again. Rosie picked me up at 1:30. Thanks to all of Rikki's puppies entertaining Hannah Beth and Aiden, she didn't hear her phone ring. So, Mommy was able to rest between the 6 phone calls and 3:30. It was nice, for real!

We only have 3 declined fees from the Money Mayhem so far! Thank you, Mom and Dad for totally bailing us out with your check to cover things until this mess was sorted out. Yes, I did have to call Mr. Promise-Breaker back 3 times after chemo...each time it went to voicemail. Finally, Raymond called at 3:20 for me and magically everything was taken care within the hour. RAY is so the cheese to my macaroni. At the same time I am learning another lesson. My husband is king and I am just a queen. This means that yes, God has given him authority that I don't have, even if I have a cancer card. Yes, this is another test I keep getting to take over and over again. Holy Smokes, Batman! Enough with the tests! Am I that corrupt in heart? THIS IS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!

Speaking or rather writing of tests, Dad passed his super duper ooper important test today! Hello! As if he wouldn't! He is only a genius! He has done nothing but take all of his time fussing with me, staying with me through chemo, driving all over Farm town, USA...and yet...the man still passed the test. HOORAY for Dad! He is so my Hero! Can I keep the money? Just kidding! I'll pay y'all back without being a promise breaker and a procrastinator! I'll be in G'town at 9:00AM!

this little thing called cancer

this little thing called cancer is so going to be history. Tracy told us our test results came back. I had know idea that I was taking any tests. The good news is I FAILED! Cancer makes 'markers' apparently. My body shows ZERO markers!

I was sad that my mother wasn't there to do her superior dance that I so know she would have done right there in the office with Tracy, God and I to watch. At the same time, I know she will do it for me at Grandma's house just the same. I'm looking forward to doing the superior dance with her when she returns!

Hey Mom, maybe we could do the superior dance for the Tuesday Troopers! I know Fancy Nancy, Terri and Mrs. Price would love it! We could do the wig routines too!

I asked for a general timeline for my chemo, radiation and surgery...I will endure chemo weekly on Tuesdays until August 25th. (Weird, I was diagnosed with TLTCC 3/27 the day before Bubba's birthday and I'll finish chemo the day before Shannon's B'day.)I'll lose my Tata's September 15-22ish. 4-6 weeks later, I'll start radiation through the beginning of November and look at reconstruction possibly in December. Then, I'll take Herceptin every 3 weeks for 12 months. GOOD TIMES! Just more time for there to be less of me and More of Jesus. I'm sure Ray is excited about that! I don't think he likes me all self-centered and all!

FANCY NANCY
Oh!!! Bunny Trail! I have to write about my Fancy Nancy! She always wears this big pink sunhat and dresses to the nines all in pink when she comes to chemo. I just adore her. I imagine that my girlfriend, Friede will look like her when she gets much older! Any who.

Fancy Nancy let me know that I was such an encouragement to her. Funny, me an encourager...it gets better! The day I came in with full on vertigo and dehydration was the day I encouraged her. I was worse than bad! I was leaning like a chola and was barely able to walk. She said that day she had just told Dr. Fain that she didn't think she could go through this chemo anymore. Then, she saw me come into the infusion center and said, "Okay, if she can do this, so can I!" Praise Jesus! When she told me, I explained to her that God's grace is so huge. Sometimes I have to take this thing day by day, and other times it is MOMENT by MOMENT! I shared the scriptures and prayers I've been praying for the doctors and over our bodies. We encouraged each other. If God can use donkeys, then He can use little me too! He does use the foolish to confound the wise. I'm a lot foolish lately with all these drug cocktails I'm taking! If Fancy Nancy is the reason I'm walking through this, then all of this is worth it!

I'll have to take my camera this Tuesday and do a photo shoot of all of us Tuesday Troopers to share with everybody. Thank you, everybody who is on our team feeding us, encouraging us, playing with our children, praying for us and just holding us together in every way, physically, spiritually, financially, and emotionally! We love and hug you all!

Right now...

I am mad as a hornet! I am angry that my Mom is pouring her life and heart out to help my Grandma (her Mom) and Bob (My Grandpa) and it is so hard on her.

I'm mad that we only know part of what is going on with Bob.
I'm mad that my Grandma smokes inside with the possibility of burning down her home.
I'm mad that my Grandma is digging in her heals making it next to impossible for my mom to take her with her to go see Bob in the hospital!
I'm mad that my Mom can't make any plans for my Grandma and Bob's care!
I'm mad that my Mom is so busy that she can't even stop to feed herself during the day.
I'm mad that I can't be with my Mom to help her as she has always been there for me.
I'm mad that my Mom is tired.
I'm mad that my Mom is discouraged.
I'm mad that my Mom has all of these pressures pulling her down and discouraging her!

I'm mad that the stupid billing department at the doctor's office (NOT MY doctor's, they are all wise men and perfect as can be for humans!) took everything out of my savings and checking account without my authorization and now I'm bouncing bills from here to TIMBUKTU!
I'm mad that the lady who said she would fix it today did NOT do what she said.
I'm mad that I have to deal with this today and tomorrow!
I'm mad that I have to call all the people that have bounced checks to explain the situation and pay them whatever fees and then call the promise-breaking lady back to let her know how much she owes me for those incurred fees!

I'm mad that I had the wrong time written down for my chemo today.
I'm mad that I had to do chemo today AND tomorrow.
I'm mad that I have to do chemo AND take care of the Money Mayhem today and TOMORROW!

I'm mad that my father had to drive from Georgetown to Hutto to bring my a check to deposit to cover the money the promise-breaking lady took from my account when he should be studying for his SUPER DUPER important test he has to take TOMORROW.

Lord, at this point I know you are looking at me thinking, just give it to me! You are waiting for me to forgive as you have and continue to forgive me. I will, but I really need you to step in here. I'm so undone! I do forgive the promise-breaking lady. It is written, I have spoken it, but I don't feel it.

Father, please, please, wrap your arms around my Mom in California tonight. Lord please let her feel your presence and your peace. Would you come and love on her and give her hope and peace that passes all understanding. Could you rain your grace upon her now as I pray? Jesus, could you renew her strength as she sleeps soundly tonight? I just pray for angels to be placed on the north, south, east and west corners of Grandmas home. Lord, could you cover them? Would you stop the enemy? I just speak hope and life and peace in the name of Jesus! Could you stick a fire under my Grandma's pants so that she will be agreeable and cooperative tomorrow. Perhaps you could do that. THAT would be a miracle! You would be glorified, surely! Only you can step in the midst of my Mom's situation and bring peace, comfort, hope, clarity and grace.

Mom, 2COR4:8-9 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. I love you Mom!

Curb Appeal

HGTV eat your heart out! Ms. Paulla and Ms. Kristi surprised us this morning! I never pegged Ms. Paulla for being a "get your hands dirty" kind of woman. OH MY, MY, MY! How wrong was I!

These crazy cats pulled up to our house at 9:00 AM ready for war! They came, they pulled, they kicked those weeds BOOTY! They took no prisoners in this trench warfare! The weeds had NO chance! They dug, tugged, and ripped every inch of roaming grass and weed out of our front flowerless bed. I was in awe! Paulla was a mad woman on the loose in that bed! After Kristi and she pulled all the bad stuff, Paulla just started moving plants around like crazy! She made it look easy. She knew just where to place each plant. Then to add to the madness...she planted 2 ummm, I forgot what they are called, but they look like palm tree plants! They bordered it with white bricks! Hooray! They even bordered my sad little purple plant on the other side of the driveway!

BB came too! Oh how I wish I had taken pictures of everybody! (Actually, I don't want to post pictures of BB...Every girl seeing this would want to submit their resumes, with 5 reputable references and get an application from me to be able to talk to him!) I was tired and not really in my right mind while they were slaving in the heat for five hours! BB, aka Paul mowed our backyard too! Woohoo! I just couldn't believe it! Oh, my sweet, sweet BB(He was my student '07-'08.) who is 100 feet tall now and going to be in 7th grade! UGH! They grow up too fast!

Kristi, my sweet little AGGIE friend painted our Hippo for us! I am so proud of her for staying in the lines and everything! Now we are representin' the Saints here in Hutto Nation! She showed me pictures of her babies, who aren't babies anymore. If y'all are reading this...BOYS will GIVE YOU COOTIES! STAY FAR FAR AWAY!

Thank Y'all! I just love, love, love looking out the window at my new flower bed! Y'all are the greatest!

My Bug

My Bug dropped in to help with the kiddos today. She is a very special Bug! She is the daughter of Mean Barbie and Sully...or MR. WIIILLLLSON (You have to say it like Dennis the Menace!). What an incredible family! It amazes me how Mean Barbie goes and goes and goes! This woman never stops! She provides Taxi service for her children and others, supports cry baby-former teachers at board meetings, and still has time to raise incredibly wonderful well-rounded children!

Back to my Bug! She was so patient with Monkey! Once he fell asleep, it was party time! Hannah Beth busted out with the bean center. It lost it's novelty as soon as she realized all of the beans were still mixed up and needed to be sorted again. Bailey Bug buried Easter Egg (Hannah's disgusting smooshy ooey gooey feeling lizard) in the beans. That lasted all but 5 minutes.

"Now can we just paint your head, Mommy?" squealed HB with excitement. She pointed to where the finger paints hiding but not really hiding on top of the fridge. Well, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves!

Afterwards, Mean Barbie, Bug, HB, Aiden, and I went to eat and play at Chick-Fil-A. Yes, I went with my painted head. People are going to stare whether they want to or not. I figured I'd give them something to really stare at! Thank you, Mean Barbie for sharing your daughter and lunch with us!

P.S. If any boys are looking at these pictures and thinking, "Wow! She's really cute!" Stop RIGHT NOW! Bailey Bug is not allowed to talk to boys! If you would like to talk with her, you must submit a resume, provide no less than 5 reputable references and fill out an application which is available at my house.

Circus Children

MOTHER! I LOVE the fact that you are raising my children during my absence of mind after chemo. I LOVE that you are enriching them with new and creative ways of playing...

I have to draw the line somewhere! Kauli, Colty-Bear and Brittany came over for a quick visit today. They were especially impressed by Aiden's doggy tricks! Thank you, GRANNY! For those of you that cannot come from far away places to see this super duper special trick, I will show you in words:

Aiden LOVES Cheerios! We have to ration one Snack Trap full of Cheerios for him per day. A Snack Trap is a cup with 2 handles and a lid that allows a child to grab snacks out without them spilling all over Kingdom Come! He carries it around until they are all gone.

Being the part chimpanzee, part boy that he is, he will pull his fist out of the cup so fast that several Cheerios will fly across the room. He will then crawl up to each Cheerio. (Please let me remind you that Aiden has been walking and running since March!) When he reaches his desired treat, he will stick his nose to the ground. From this crouched position, he proceeds to eat the Cheerio right off the ground using only the teeth, tongue and mouth that God gave him!

Thank you, Mother! I am so proud!

I don't have a picture of Aiden doing his special trick yet. I'll try to get it on film and post it later today. Here is Hannah Beth on the TRAPEZE that Gramps made her! THANK YOU, GRAMPS!

HB our HES Hippo!

"I am not a teacher anymore." I sobbed to the HES school board today. These people represented caring parents from Hutto. YOU know Hutto!?!?! It's the town that we moved to so our kids would go to the best schools. These men and two women may have heard my little name prior to this meeting, but we didn't really KNOW each other. Yet, here I was with my peeps laying out my bleeding heart for permission for my child to go to HES.

Ray couldn't come. His knee was in out of control pain. So, he had to stay home and take a Darvocet. So, my peeps included Mean Barbie and Rachel. Rachel only has one name, like Cher, Madonna... They sat on either side of me while I plead my case. I just know Rachel was praying like a mad dog! Thank you, Doll!

I was terrified. I purposely did not take my anti-nausea and meclizine for vertigo before the meeting so my mind wouldn't be in a fog. In my vain attempt to NOT look like *Pat (See previous post), I wore the only high heel shoes I own. Friede talked me into them 2 years ago. They are about 2 inches high and have ribbons that wrap around your ankle like a little ballerina full of grace! Picture little me...oh wait, I have gained 16 pounds that we are blaming the steroids for...

Picture round me, without vertigo meds in heels. HELLO DOLLY! Girlfriends and Boyfriends! Let me tell you that this has to be just about the dumbest stunt I have ever pulled in my life. This is worse than surfing on Tim's Fiat with Jules in High School! No! We weren't even drinking! Back to my sob story....

Picture This:
Round
heels
shaking like a leaf without my meds
slowly leaning like a Chola
Eddie Bauer Sweater and cargo skirt
Oh, yes, of course Bald as Sinead
Teeny Tiny Mean Barbie standing on my left
Full of Jesus Rachel sitting on my right

I didn't even walk through that door before the tears just came. What a goober! I did ONE thing right! I wore my WATERPROOF MASCARA (high five to Amy Vogel!)! I prayed like Hannah prayed for her baby before this meeting. I just wanted to be able to share my heart and walk out with dignity knowing I did everything I could for Hannah Beth. To me, that meant NOT crying. Well, I did just that! I didn't cry. I SOBBED! CROCODILE tears! Goodbye dignity! Hello Calamity!

I don't know what I said exactly. The more I tried to NOT cry, the more I choked up. I remember blaming Sherri Rector for making HES a second home and heart for our family. It really is all her fault for being the catalyst and hiring all the besties for teachers and teacher aides. I don't think she hires the cafeteria staff and custodians, but she might has well have! They all have the disease of loving children too much!

I remember attempting to explain why HES is really more than just a school to our family. I recall calling it our heart. Proof: even in my physical absence from the school, HES has sustained our family for the past two months with meals and gift cards and offers to care for our Monkey and Princess. I didn't explain it that way. I was trying to be somewhat professional. I was having a hard time.

All I can say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Hannah Beth is going to become a Hippo at Hutto Elementary in the Fall! She is sooooo excited and so are we!

I just want to take this time to shout out, "YO! DG! DG!" to my girls for holding me up and feeding me tonight! I just adore you and hug you forever and ever!

PS Since this is my soap box, and I can write whatever I want....People in Hutto need to know what kind of man is the Superintendent for our schools here. Dr. Borrer is nothing short of a kind, compassionate, huge-hearted man. We need to continually pray for this man as I know he serving the Lord as he serves our school district!

Pat from SNL

Dad took me in for an infusion on Monday. I was leaning like a Chola in a major way. Dad dropped me off at the curb so he could park the car. (Or he was totally embarrassed to be seen with his daughter who is slowly metamorphosing into Jabba the Hut!)

As I held the concrete column up for the building, I caught a glimpse of myself in the windows. I was representin' with one of my 5th Grade Hutto Hippos Rock T-shirts, my husband's long shorts with the ever expanding elastic waistband, white ankle socks and tennis shoes. I saw what I was. I was trying not to panic at the person staring at me in the mirrored glass. Dumb people! Who keeps windows and glass doors that clean anyways!?!?!

"Dad! I totally look like a dude!" I practically yelled at him as if it was his fault. Well, I stifled it as best I could. I was feeling pretty puny, so it probably came out as more of a matter of fact like statement. I was yelling in the inside though.

My father, the man who has loved me from the second he was surprised by the news I was coming, abruptly corrected me, "NO, Kiddo! You look like Pat!" Thanks, Dad, for keeping it real! I just love you to pieces!