Yep! There it is! The jar that shames me with its multiplicity. It just stands there cunningly on my counter. Why is it on my kitchen counter? Why is the foam brush neatly on top as if to dry, or ready to use? Did I use it already, or did I get it out to use first thing this morning? Am I really a daughter of a painter?
WTF
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday!?!? What is today?
The brightly colored jar of goo mocked my pounding head and aching jaw. Did I really do that last night? Vague snapshots of the night's debauchery shoot through my head. OH the pain in my head and jaw is stronger this morning. Pounding, pounding, pounding, crawling little feet ewwww! It all comes back to me in an abysmal sea of regret.
It all started yesterday morning. Our ever tightening budget has forced me to cook and bake from scratch for every meal. It takes more time, but in the end, we are saving money AND it is always sometimes healthier. Wednesday called for cinnamon rolls. This uses quite a bit of counter space with the whole rolling out the dough song and dance.
Tiny little visitors who do NOT pay rent were just dancing a conga line right across my counter. Partly out of disgust, and partly out of urgency to clean it before the girl child found out, I followed them to their source. It was a tiny hole in the grout that Sancho and Raymond used to put up my awesomesauce back splash.
My inner FAT AMY took over, "I'm gonna kill them! I'm gonna finish them like a cheesecake!" With that, I wiped up those creepy crawly ants in no time flat. I was so disgusted that I threw the washcloth away. As I was tossing it into the can, Hannah Beth asked what I was doing. I semi-honestly explained I was baking cinnamon rolls for breakfast. With that we started our day.
Batman worked in his underwear, cape and mask. His attempt to complain about his handwriting was quickly deterred with the threat of losing his beloved cape and mask. NO! He did NOT lose his outfit, he opted to be Captain Batman Underpants.
The day continued to be a cascading series of events that amounted to nothing short of my goals being blocked! All in all, the kids finished with school just in time for me to cook creamed chicken and biscuits while applying mascara. Forty-five minutes later, Raymond walked through the door. As I packed my purse, planner, and chapstick, I hurled the game plan:
Dinner is ready. I know you won't like it, but it is all I had to work with. I promise tomorrow's dinner will be more palatable. The kids will need baths. Aiden ate lunch late, so he may not eat right now with you and HB.
I defensively raced to work, obeying the laws of the land as I have since my lovely wreck last month. (Eddie Bauer is my fake part time job. It's a total fake because it is fun, I get to help people AND they pay me to do what I do all day at home! SWEET!) I was home by 10:00PM!
This is where things get a little hazy. My work was interrupted in by a loud rumbly in my tumbly. I realized I had not eaten dinner. With that, I hopped up to get a bit of the creamed chicken concoction that my poor family was forced to eat six hours earlier.
There they were! ANTS! Marching ants all up and down MY CLEAN AND PRISTINE COUNTERS! Angered by hunger and another mess to clean, I jumped into action. These little buggers had nothing on me. I was a hungry woman and needed food...FAST! Within ten minutes the ants were gone except that one crawling out of that hole right THERE!
Modge Podge was sitting on the counter from the day's crafts. I was desperate and hungry! Modge Podge is 'like' glue. Glue is like caulk. So, Modge Podge could be used as caulk as long as my FATHER never finds out! 'Nuff Said!!!
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