411 I really didn't need to know...

Stage 2B...that's not that bad of a staging for the diagnosis of breast cancer I received. Yeah, they cut out a 4X5x6 tumor out...

"It's treatable and curable" Dr. Fain explained confidently to me. My parents backed him up, so it was a done deal.

All I had to do was walk through chemotherapy, a bilateral mastectomy, radiation, hysterectomy, and reconstruction. Yes, I would walk through the valley of the shadow of death. No biggie, My Jesus would be there with me! That is what they do to patients like me. They kill the cancer, but in the process they kill the good cells to. The truth is, they are killing me softly with everything in their arsenal.

I have always chosen NOT to look things up on the Internet. I knew that if I did, fear would set in and I would not be able to keep my eyes where they need to be...JESUS. Peter started sinking in the water when he was walking out on the water to Jesus on the lake that night. As soon as he fixed his eyes on Jesus, he was able to walk on water. Right now, I need to walk on water!

Then there was Sunday. I couldn't go anywhere, because I was sick, but I wasn't tired. I called my phone-a-friend, Michelle. She looks everything up. She was diagnosed with stage 4 two years ago. She was a mom to me when I was growing up. I love her dearly, BUT she loves to research things AND she is very opinionated. She told me all about the Herceptin web sight and how I should contact them, because they will send me a goodie package. They also had a very informative video. "It's all good information, no scary stuff. You can't live in fear. You have to know these things. It's all good," she assured me.

GOOD MY BUTT! I meandered to the web site once we hung up the phone. 25% of breast cancer patients have the Her2 positive protein. I always thought, I have the good kind of cancer that you can beat. I am part of the 25%, so I am even better off than others. Uh...How about NO on that one!

If you have the Her2 positive protein, as I do, it is an AGGRESSIVE METASTASIZING BAD DUDE! Holy fast dividing cancer cells, Batman...This is bad! REALLY BAD! So, I talked to Michelle again. She oh so matter of factly responds, "oh yeah, mine is bad, but so is yours, we are probably like on the same level of badness on the cancer thing."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?! THANK GOD I'm already taking herceptin! Had I found this out while I was going through the AC for 8 weeks, I would have totally lost it. Seriously, straight jacket, padded walls and Alicia rocking back in forth in fetal position losing it! BUT, God knows me. He has perfect timing! He allowed me to find out about it while I'm going through my last two treatments (although, I'll continue to take herceptin for another 12 months).

Herceptin has just been approved within the last 5 years. It binds to the HER2 proteins on the inside and outside of the cells to completely obliterate the bad guys. PHEEEEWWWW ... Take a deep breath, remember who your Father in Heaven is and RELAX.

I only have the most pro-active parents in the world. Mom said her and Dad did know this whole time and are watching every angle of my treatment. Thank God, because I honestly can't. I am a 36 year old woman who has to call her Daddy in the middle of the night to make sure when I take my drugs, I won't pull a Heath Ledger by mixing them up. I keep a daily spreadsheet of my medications and supplements and take monitoring notes at the bottom. (Thank you, Sherri Rector!)

The good news is I have an incredible amount of people taking care of me. My heart is full. These crazy people are calling me, writing me, sending me cards, chatting through Facebook, making our family meals, raising money for us...We would NOT make it without the Grace of God! I have never seen such an outpouring from my family and friends. I have always known I'm surrounded by good peeps, but now I KNOW and I don't take anything for granted. Right now, I am just glad to be able to end this blog, go upstairs and cuddle with my Hannah Beth the big Kindergartner! What a sweet way to live!